I don’t know how to let people love me

Well, I am still learning how to let people love me

But I have realized that I have spent years literally not allowing people to.

Making my walls so tall, my shield so thick, my heart so cold 

I was impenetrable 

You ever feel so far away from your feelings you don’t know how to feel them?

You pick them up like marbles to observe the different colors and patterns, but there are no meanings.

I have been locked so far away in a box in a corner of my mind

I couldn’t love me

If you can’t love you how can you allow someone else to 

I’m trying to be softer 

I’m trying to let my gooey side show more, even though I know that leaves me open to injury 

Vulnerable 

But it’s better to be open than so locked away 

I need room to breath 

I need to stretch my legs 

I need someone to hold me 

I’m sad for all the people I’ve hurt not allowing them too close 

Dangling the idea of a chance but never giving them substance 

Never giving them a key 

Never giving them me

I’m sorry.