I spent a lot of the last couple of years self-reflecting, working on myself, and healing. And I, unfortunately, have some bad news. When it came down to the bottom line the one consistent factor in every situation: it was me. Melissa McCarthy was right in Bridesmaids: “You’re your problem. You’re also your solution.”

That mother fucker.

Now people don’t like to hear that. Quite frankly I didn’t. How dare I speak to myself that way after all we’ve been through. It’s not an excuse or blanket pardon for everyone who’s done you dirty or situations you’ve been part of that are out of your control. Like everything in life: things aren’t black and white the way we want them to be. There are lots and lots of shades of gray. But the sentiment remains the same. 

One of the biggest things I’ve been wrestling with for the last couple of years is the concept of boundaries. Boy oh boy do I struggle. To be honest I have tried to write about them since Volume 1 of this blog. It’s hard to find the words and even harder to have them. I chronically put other people’s feelings before my own, and disregard mine all together. It’s a horrible habit, a survivor’s habit, but horrible. And sure, sometimes people with bad intentions or selfish ones take advantage of that… but more often than not it’s completely unaware people who do something that hurts me. And whose fault is that really? Mine. 

Stick with me here. I know it’s uncomfortable to take on that responsibility, but here’s the truth: if you don’t have or enforce boundaries if you don’t value your feelings and ask for others to do the same, if you don’t speak the fuck up…. you cannot expect nor put on other people to do it for you. I’ve had to learn a lot of really tough lessons because of it. Honestly, I’m still learning. And I’m sure I will continue to for the rest of my life because boundaries change as we change. But taking the blame game and responsibility off of someone else allows you the opportunity to take control of your own life and adjust accordingly. 

It’s so easy for us to become passive in our lives, and then it’s just everything in the world happening to us or against us. Fuck that. Everything happens for you, and if what’s happening isn’t working for you get up and find something that does. I’m not saying it’s easy breezy beautiful cover girl all the time, it most certainly is not. But it is a lot better than just sitting there and waiting for shit to happen to you. Ain’t nobody got time for that. So like she said… “You are your problem.

but you are also your solution.”