As of yesterday, I’m finally a licensed attorney. It’s been a roller coaster to say the least, but one I’m glad to have been on none the less. It feels wrong not to acknowledge this accomplishment because I have worked very hard for it, and I have been so lucky to have so many also invested in this journey with me. However, I feel it’s a disservice not to acknowledge the other side of it. I think it’s pretty common knowledge that one must pass the bar after attending law school to get licensed, but what that really means and requires is rarely discussed. Even in school I feel though they didn’t warn us how long this could take after graduation.

First and foremost, you have to take the MPRE which is an ethics exam and you have to get whatever score the state you are sitting in deems necessary. Without this you cannot sit for the bar sans maybe two or three states. I’d say it’s roughly about $100 a pop and it’s only offered four times a year. I took that sucker three times to get the right score, the last time I had pneumonia. You have to compile ten years of your life, working, living, etc., to turn into the Bar Examiners with your application to sit for the exam. Here’s where the real fun starts. Ever get any ticket whatsoever? Depending on where you are sitting you will have to track down every record you’ve ever had to turn that in. Did you get in trouble in undergrad? They check that too. Did you fail to disclose this on your application to law school four years ago? You now have to amend it before you apply to sit. One of my best friends had her name changed at two weeks old, when she applied to sit for the bar they asked her to explain why her name was changed. When I say thorough, I mean t h o r o u g h. You also have to pay a fee to sit for the exam, where I sat was a little under $1,000. Bar prep courses run on a very lucky low end $2,500 to upwards of $4,500. You need flash cards, extra study aids, a separate multiple-choice prep, etc. You get the picture cost wise.

But wait, let’s talk time. You aren’t supposed to work when preparing for the bar, which takes two and a half months. Some people do obviously because as you can see financially this is quite a lot to take on. However, even those who do at minimum have to take two full weeks off before the exam. You suffer through the actual exam day (depending where could be two days could be three), and then you wait. And wait. And wait. It’s about an average of 2-5 months for everyone to get their results back from the bar exam, which itself is only offered twice a year. I say that to say, by the time you get your results back you have maybe about a month to figure out if you need to turn around and sit for it again. Otherwise you will be waiting a whole year to start this process over again, which in itself on the conservative side is a six-month ordeal. Then you have to wait for the state to actually swear you in, that could be another month or so (this is where actually getting to call yourself an Esquire comes in). Then perhaps another couple months before the Bar association will send you your bar card with your license number. Some states do character and fitness (background check) after you pass the bar. So, you’ve already waited four months to find out your score, but now you need to wait a couple more to find out if you are even permitted to become barred. As you can imagine, financially this becomes a nightmare quickly.

Mentally, it also takes a toll. We are forced to invest all of our effort, money, and time for a goal we’ve now spent seven years working towards for a singular exam we only have twice a year to take. Most firms will not hire you without being licensed or a passing bar score. When I say we put everything into this, I truly mean everything. You are looking at a six month to year long ordeal after graduation before you finally get to call yourself an attorney, after seven years of education. All dependent on one exam. I think perhaps that is why it’s lost so often on people who don’t have to go through this dreadful process why it can be so mentally damaging on us who come up short or outright fail. Financially all the money you’ve already invested, literal thousands of dollars, feels like a waste. You’re concerned about getting a job because now you are viewed as over qualified for most legal work that doesn’t require a license, but underqualified for the stuff that does. The thought of having to turn around and spend all the money again after not really being able to work six-ish months is dreadful.

Then there is the stigma amongst the profession, juris doctor vs. esquire. To call yourself Esq. is a privilege, and it certainly should be with the amount of work that goes into it. But what happens is only being able to use J.D. starts to feel like a failure really quick post grad. Which is ridiculous because there is so much you can do with your J.D., and you also successfully completed law school. That’s the literal opposite of failure. This is what happens when you are funneled through a program that forces so much focus on title instead of function. Because here’s the reality they should be telling everyone, once you graduate the finish line looks different for everyone. Not everyone needs to become licensed nor do they want to. Not everyone needs a state specific license, if you want to practice federal law (like immigration) you only have to be licensed in a singular state and you can practice wherever you want. All over the U.S. If you take the Uniform Bar Exam you can wave into another state that accepts your score in lieu of sitting again. There are a lot of options, all of them take time, money, and a lot of patience. Whichever route you take, the ability to do that at all in itself proves you are not a failure. To even have the ability to sit for the bar means you have succeeded. I wish they would tell all of us that more because so often the harm on us mentally is too much, all for a title.

I’ve struggled horribly with anxiety and depression, as do a lot of my former classmates/coworkers in the legal field. It took me over a year, two bar exams, and a quarter life crisis to finally decide if I still even wanted to be an attorney after seven years of higher education.  It’s taken seven months to get through the licensing process of waving in somewhere: paperwork, background check, etc. I am not even going to touch the insane amount of money this process takes when you take a detour like I did. I am very proud of myself and the blood, sweat, and tears (my god so many tears) I’ve poured into this dream. I also am very happy to finally be in a place where I understand my value is not dependent on a piece of paper. Because at the end of the day what means the most are not the titles. Are you happy, and are you healthy? The rest is secondary. What once was something I felt would make such a huge difference in my life, in the way I felt, in the way I lived, is now a secondary to what brings real value to my life. It wasn’t even my favorite part of my day yesterday. I spent last night on the couch with my roommates watching T.V. like we do most nights, and I felt the same way I have felt for months now: happy, healthy, loved, and appreciated for who I am with or without the titles. I wouldn’t want it any other way. So, here’s to the Esq., but most importantly here’s to the journey, the people who helped me get here, and those who continue to help me reach my dreams.

On to the next one,

Kelsquire

P.S. The only free legal advice you will get from me is simple: Don’t do dumb shit.

Jan 26, 2021 at 5:17 PM