So, I used to have terrible Valentine’s Day Karma. If there was something bad that can happen, bad news to be delivered, anything along the lines of not pleasant (you name it) it’s been inevitable over the years it will happen to me on the 14^th. For example, one year my ENTIRE family and I caught a stomach bug that lasted 24 hours. I am not kidding when I say it hit me while I was out the night of the 13^th not long after midnight and lasted the entirety of the 14^th. I woke up the 15^th good as new. I’m going to spare you the long list of unfortunate events that have happened over the years, but I am going to explain why I have no one to blame but myself.

In fifth grade my math desk buddy asked me to be his girlfriend. I was a little hesitant, I mean seemed like a lot of responsibility for a 5^th grader. What do I even do with a ‘boyfriend’. I decided to try it out anyways and see how it went. The excitement was short lived, partly because I am an asshole and partly because we all can gather how pointless dating in 5^th grade is. Within two weeks I was predominately over the situation and ready to move on, but Valentine’s day was around the corner. I mean…let’s not be too hasty. Part of me wanted to be strategic and get my gift, part of me felt like maybe the love holiday was the wrong time to dump someone. So, I decided to wait out delivering the bad news until after the holiday.

When Valentine’s Day arrived, I got my teddy bear and candy in the morning which I carried around all day proudly. But by the afternoon, true to fashion, I was unable to keep my mouth shut about wanting our ‘relationship’ to be over. To add insult to injury… I kept my gifts. Before you say anything, I KNOW. Brutal. To make it worse the following year he tried to ask me out again and I told him no and to listen to Cry Me A River by Justin Timberlake. Hey, I told you already I know I’m an asshole. In exchange for this absolutely savage behavior I continued to suffer almost every Valentine’s Day since. Like I said, I had no one to blame but myself. By the time I got to college I was beyond ready for the curse to be broken. I mean there is only so much you can take every year, I was starting to get real tin foil hat about even being outside on the 14^th.

And then, one day in a random airport on a random flight I boarded my plane to find none other than my 5^th grade ex as my seat buddy. L O L. Now the good news is despite me being an absolute dick we were friends by the end of middle school so I wasn’t worried about that. But I also saw an opportunity to perhaps reverse the curse. We discussed everything from his current girlfriend to how his music was going and running into Slash in an airport. I never formally apologized, though I probably should have at the time. However, whatever I did do was enough to end my absolutely terrible streak of luck on Valentine’s Day. So, this year I’m happy to report I will not be stressed about the sky falling on the 14^th. Let this little tale be a lesson to be cognizant of how you treat people. It may (probably will) come back to bite you. To my 5^th grade short lived boyfriend: Sorry for being such an asshole. Rest assured, I got my karma back tenfold for my actions. Perhaps one of these days I owe you a gift…

Happy Valentine’s Day Y’all,

Kels

Feb 13, 2021 at 1:59 PM