09/26/2022: 7:55 pm 

Sometimes people compliment how digestible I’ve made myself as if it’s a positive thing. 

[Redacted] Everyone loves who they think I am. Who I’ve mirrored, quieted, and packaged to make sure I am lovable. To make sure I’m un-abandonable. To make sure I’m believed, supported, and defended. To make sure I’m accepted. 

[Redacted] I quiet my feelings when I feel a fight is unnecessary. Because I don’t understand sometimes a discussion can be just that. Because I don’t feel my feelings are worth validating and discussing. Because I don’t feel like I will be loved if I’m honest about how I feel.

[Redacted] I’m a survivalist. I’m ensuring at all points I’ll have at least one ally, which means I have none within myself. 

[Redacted] Years I’ve spent shrinking, hiding, covering myself and my presence. In exchange for love that is inauthentic and lacks respect.

I made myself digestible. Which made me learn to not love myself for who I really am. I am loud, I am independent, I am sarcastic, I am opinionated, I am capable, I am intelligent, I am witty, I am confident, I am funny, I am direct, and I am powerful. 

And I hope you choke on it before I break myself down to digestible ever again.