I have been a multi-round therapy haver. In multiple cities, with multiple therapists. I have served my time, I have made a couple cry (NOT BY BEING MEAN), and I have politely exited when I decided it was time even when it was very clear I had somethings to keep sorting through. So you can imagine my therapist’s surprise when after a month of dropping straight bombshells going off in my life I told her this would be our last session. “I’m here if you need me and decide to come back. I’ll miss talking to you.” Ya, ya, I won’t be back. 

And I haven’t been since. 

But here’s the thing: I think therapy is great. It is such a helpful and healthy tool for people to utilize, and I undoubtedly wouldn’t be here at this point mentally, emotionally, etc. had I not obtained the skills I learned in therapy. I just hit a point where lamenting over the same things over and over again was doing more hurting than helping. It was preventing me from putting it the fuck down, and moving on with my life. It was preventing me from living.

I had made my peace with my past, with my traumas, and with my short comings. I was aware of the things I needed to work on, the unhealthy patterns I’d developed as a coping mechanism. To be quite frank, I was TOO self aware. That was part of the problem. And the more energy and attention I kept giving these things, the more I felt handcuffed to them instead of liberated. So even with several implosions in my personal life in a short amount of time, I decided instead of trying to fix everything and everyone (myself included) all the time it was just time to have fun. So that is what I did. 

I don’t ever want to advocate for someone not to get the help they need, and to sweep under the rug issues they legitimately need help coping with. In fact, I still often will recommend therapy if someone is kicking around the idea because it is helpful. And the worst that happens if you don’t like it is just to either not go or find a new therapist. So what is the harm in trying? I just simply am stating that sometimes when you’ve been putting in the work for years on the same issues… you are over working it. You are creating a problem that doesn’t necessarily exist anymore, and you can elect to back away slowly and go live a new life.  You can elect to go have fun and not take shit so seriously. And it genuinely has changed my life for the better. 

I clearly still had emotions and things to sort through, and I did. And still do. But I do not sit in them beyond what I need to. I don’t give anything any extra air time beyond what is required if it leaves me feeling anything other than peace. And I know that sounds ridiculous, it’s not possible to be happy all the time. You are right, it’s not. It is inevitable that we will have things that make us feel sad, angry, or whatever else that is “bad”. But did you know most emotions last 90 seconds, and the rest of it is us continuing to perpetuate said feeling. Good and bad. And while we are on the subject, I’ve actually tried to stop labeling emotions good or bad because they all just are what the are. There is nothing negative about them.

What this experience has taught me, this permission I’ve given myself to put things down and walk away, is that I had so much more room in my head for other happy fun things. It’s taught me how to let go of what I cannot control and not stress about those things because all I’m doing is making myself suffer unnecessarily. It’s taught me to address what isn’t working for me head on and swiftly, because it either will get corrected or show me I need to remove myself. It’s eliminated a fear I’ve had for a long time to speak up and have boundaries. To be at peace with people, places, and things that no longer work for me being removed from my life. It’s allowed me to do that without harboring anything but love and well wishes for the departure before focusing my time and attention on the new. It’s put so much distance between me and stressy depressy me that while I empathize so heavily for her, I do not relate to her anymore. I do not recognize that version of my life anymore, I do not carry those things with me. To put it plainly, I’m a brand new bitch. 

And I like it. 

I get asked a lot what I’ve done, or how I’m doing it, or what to do to get where I’m at by the people who have seen the before and after of my life. And I always try to be so very transparent about that process because it was hard and it was work, but it also was worth it. I have been having the time of my life, and I have never felt lighter. I never could have gotten here without therapy. Without going through all the mud. But I want to give you permission to know it’s ok if you realize it’s time to get out of the trench. It’s ok to say I quit and go live a new life. It’s ok to drink the damn water without psychoanalyzing the cup. 

I’ll cheers to that.