You ever hear the expression don’t half ass two things, whole ass one? Great in theory, honestly great advice: but sometimes that’s just not realistic is it? 

For you non- parks and rec watchers (listen, I don’t advocate for much tv but really guys… it’s funny watch it) there is an episode where all of Ron’s meeting’s were scheduled on March 31st because his admin mistakenly thought March only had 30 days. Low and behold, when the day arrived he had 94 different meeting’s to attend. I feel like I’ve been attending 94 meetings a day for a while now, because unlike Ron I am a stubborn mfer and it’s taken me a month to ask for help ◡̈ . 

When you are spread so thin that you are constantly playing catch up, it makes it very hard to adequately tend to any pressing issue in any category. Thus, the conundrum of half assing a whole lot. (And let’s be honest, burn out). Now I could use this as an opportunity to talk to you about the importance of both scheduling and being pro v. reactive, but I will not. What I do want to share for other’s is the feeling that you are failing at everything because you aren’t hitting your mark in anything. 

For a hot minute I have been scrambling to balance all my commitments, my relationships, and my own general wellbeing (and quite frankly my dog’s). And I have not been doing what I deem a good job. I say that because I think we all have an ability to be way harder on ourselves than others. I’m not upset at myself for not meeting my own expectations; but I am advocating for us all to reevaluate just what are our expectations of ourselves. I have felt like a failure at every category, because I have been unable to give it my all in any category. And instead of taking a step back and considering perhaps I have been overcommitted across the board, I immediately defaulted to I am failing. Ruh roh… that’s a little fucked up innit?  

For my fellow high functioning over achievers, I know I’m not alone in being able to do a whole lot in a whole little amount of time. But the sustainability of said “lot” bites me in the ass… often. While I do think I’ve gotten better at knowing how to pace myself, what happens when everything is demanding a lot at the same time? When do we give ourselves the kindness of understanding our 100% looks different every day, and sometimes we just don’t have it? Why is the default assumption that I am fucking up, instead of the system I’ve been function in isn’t working? And maybe my expectations aren’t realistic?

I don’t have the answer for everything, but I do unfortunately have to share some terrible news. Particularly my fellow overachiever’s, I’m going to hold your hands while I say this:

Asking for help and setting boundaries actually works, and you cannot whole ass everything at the same time so you do need help. In fact, we actually could accomplish a lot more if we would let people help us.

I know, I’m sorry. 

But in 48 hours of me speaking up and asking for assistance I have solved 90% of my overcommitment troubles. And in 24 hours of implementing some adjustments, I actually feel like I can accomplish things at a level required, and then some. Such is the sick cycle us overachiever’s lead, make room to take more on. I yam, what I yam.

So let this be a reminder for us all: sometimes it’s not you, but rather your expectations that are the issue. A minor adjustment to the assembly line and some assistance can make a world of difference. And taking things off your plate not only allows you to share more with others, it gives you a chance to make room for something new to be shared with you too. 

You are doing great sweetie. 

– Kels

P.S. There is an extra special spot in Heaven for those of you who take the time to help take things off other’s plates when you see they need it. Thank you, y’all are the real MVP’s.  I hope you always have the cooler side of the pillow. XOXO.