Since we are in the trust tree here, I have something to confess. The longest I have ever lived in one place (both city and physical location) is four years. I was in 7th grade, and the house caught on fire. That’s a different story for a different day, but I have always either moved homes, cities, or both frequently. In adulthood, I have always moved cities right about the 3-4 year mark, and I never made it longer than about 2 years in an apartment. Guess who is approaching their 4 year anniversary in both their home and their city? Boy, does it make me itchyyyy. 

I have long joked about being a rolling stone, but approaching this anniversary has made me reflect on how little it’s a joke and more it’s been quite the lifestyle for me over the last fifteen years. By the time I relocated to where I’m currently at, I had moved to three different cities within a little over a year. I was exhausted at the prospect of moving any time soon, and I also knew it was time for me to sit still and just be for a bit. Regardless of how uncomfortable that feeling was. When it came time to renew my lease for the first time it took me, no joke, a good week or two to actually sign it despite no plans or direction to go elsewhere. It just made me nervous to commit to another year in the same spot. The last couple lease renewals have been progressively easier to sign, but now that it’s settling in how long I’ve been in one place I feel that old familiar itch bubbling up. 

Let me start by saying self awareness is a son of a bitch. You know who had a wonderful time bopping around never being tied down to one place before they were fully aware that is what they were doing? Me. But in full transparency, it can also be very exhausting. The steam starts to run out the longer you are doing it. The idea of letting go of everything and starting over… again, seems less and less appealing. I am proud of myself for finally remaining in one spot for as long as I have, as silly as it sounds, it is a huge deal for me. It was hard not to give into my normal habit of bouncing, and it has forced me to sit down and work through quite a lot of things I had been avoiding for a while. 

On the other hand, it is interesting to see where else that habit and pattern has bled into other areas of my life. Things like employment, community, and even just a literal living environment. When I first moved here it took me over a year to put up ANY decorations in my home. I finally gave in and put things up on my fridge to start, and realized how sterile my environment was. In fact, you’d have been hard pressed to figure out I lived there at all if I didn’t want you to. Which historically to me was never an issue because I’d be ‘leaving’ soon anyway. Or I spent very little time in my home. 

Slowly over the last several years I have started hanging pictures on the wall, upgrading and acquiring more furniture, and really making it a space that is not only reflective of me but a place I actually want to spend time in. I have reflected on the fact that over the last four years I have spent arguably more time with friends from out of town than actually investing and fostering relationships and community where I’m at. I’m not saying I don’t have friends or spend time with people here, I clearly do, but the bulk of my energy investment has not been there. Again, very reflective of a sentiment that I can leave whenever and it will be ok. 

And I can, and it would. But is it necessary? I don’t know. I am not saying what is right or wrong in this approach, as usual I find this to be one of those subjects that is very gray. I suppose my intentions are usually my biggest concern of what my right answer is. Am I running away or is it time for a new environment? Also, is it wrong or bad that I’m this way? What if it truly is just part of who I am as a person? 

Truth be told, I have had a lot of wonderful experiences over the years. I have friends all over, a lot of whom I still remain in touch with. I have seen and experienced a lot. But the price it comes with is not necessarily having one set place of roots. However, I feel I have them kind of all over. There are a lot of places I genuinely could be tomorrow if I needed to, should I just make a phone call and book a flight. That is kind of cool. 

There are a lot of great people who have had a lot of significant accomplishments moving throughout their lives as ‘rolling stones’. There are also a lot of people who have been able to do the same with a home base. I am not sure which I am yet, I think time will tell. I’m not sold on it being necessarily bad that I have been able to be so transient. I’m just not also sure I want to remain so. 

After all, what’s that saying again? “ A rolling stone gathers no moss, but it gains a certain polish.” 

Happy polishing y’all. 

– Kels